An Open Letter to Hollywood and Girls Everywhere

Dear Hollywood,
     Congratulations. You've smartened up. Magazines and celebrities who use photoshop are being attacked for creating "unrealistic body image". Songs like Meghan Trainor's "All About That Bass" and Colbie Caillat's "Try" talk about just that. Positive body image is plastered across every billboard.  For that, I say thank you. However, let us not mistake acceptance as attack of the opposing and let us not mistake pornography as true beauty.

     Unless you live under a rock, you've seen that Kim Kardashian posed completely naked for "Paper" magazine. That in and of itself is a whole other issue for another post, however, there have been other things in the media over the past few months that have applauded women for things that are more hateful towards those who are not like you and less actually accepting people for who they are. Rihanna posed in a sheer dress a few months ago and she was applauded for her boldness. Beyonce posed in front of the word "feminist" in a skin tight body suit and everyone praised her for what she was doing for the modern woman. The Duggars wait until marriage to kiss and the whole world laughs.

     In my college career there have been so many movies that have come out about being world changers and rebelling against societal norms. The Hunger Games series, The Maze Runner, and Divergent are just a few. I'm not saying that these things are bad, I love all of those movies. However, they seem to prey on the desire that is within us to change the world. We are in a generation of people that believe that to be worth anything is to do or be someone extraordinary. With the internet making things viral in seconds we are living in an entirely different culture than we have faced before. The attack is now lessened on body image and is more on what you are actually doing. This is just as, if not more, damaging. This is a subtle attack. It's one that we've been missing for years, myself included.

     I am tired of subtle messages trying to make me feel inadequate. I am tired of the messages that try to make me feel like less of a woman for wanting to be a wife and mother. I am tired of girls wandering around with misplaced identities because being a Christian and knowing Jesus are equivalent to intolerance. Disagreement in beliefs is not always a judgement, but simply a disagreement. Who am I to judge? I am a sinner, saved by grace. Every breath, every movement, every word, every thought are examples of God's grace, not by things I have done, but by what HE has done for me.

     This letter is not to cast judgement on Hollywood. This is a letter of my heart's desire to see girls more than just survive. I've seen the hand of God work in my life too many times to keep quiet any longer. I don't want sheer dresses or skin tight body suits to be what makes me a woman worth respecting. I don't want to live in a society that screams equality, but ridicules you for disagreeing. Rick Warren said it best when he said, "Our culture has excepted two huge lies.The first is that if you disagree with someone's lifestyle, you must fear or hate them. Second is that to love someone means that you must agree with everything they believe or do. Both are nonsense. You don't have to compromise convictions to be compassionate".

     I truly believe that for me to best live out Christ in my life is to pour out His love. His love that is unconditional. His love that is full of compassion for a person, but not their lifestyle. Jesus was absolutely radical in the way He lived His life. He flipped tables in the temple. He saved a woman from being stoned by pointing out that they all had sin in their lives. He hung out with the outcasts and the hurting. He wasn't afraid to engage the culture without partaking in it. He held firm to Truth and had compassion on the people who did not know it.

     Hollywood, I am pleading with you to please stop. Stop making people feel inadequate for not having a world influence. Stop making everything about instant gratification. Stop equating feminism with man hating. Stop preaching acceptance and intolerance in the same breath. Stop and realize that the most effective world changers start with ripple effects. It is not those who pose nude for magazines or where clothes that leave little to the imagination. It starts, right where we are. In neighborhoods, in schools, in dorm rooms, and in relationships. Who people are and what they do has more influence than any movie or magazine. In a month, new rumors and new trailers will be release, but how I treat the people in my sphere of influence will last much longer.

     To any girls who are reading this and your heart longs to be a world changer. Know that I, too, have the same desire. I am sitting in my dorm room typing this letter to an imaginary "hollywood" figure because I have so much that I want the world to know. I have to stop myself often and remind myself that I will not fix anything on my own. I can write until my fingers cramp and my eyes droop shut, but unless we are mighty in prayer and walking with Jesus, it is all meaningless. I can write 1,000 books, but unless I am completely surrendered to Christ and His leading, it will not fulfill me. Do not believe the lie that to be worth anything you must do something or be someone extraordinary in the world's eyes. Know that you are so incredibly valuable that you were personally died for. God sent His only Son for you because He desperately wanted you to know His perfect love. You are famous in His eyes and He is relentlessly pursuing you! So the next time you start to believe that you need to compromise who you are to be loved or to be considered valuable, know that you already are. You are worth more than standing naked in front of the world. You are worth more than sex. Don't give yourself away to find value. Please know that Jesus adores you. He is utterly captivated by you. You are His Beloved Bride, His Warrior Princess. Do not let anyone tell you otherwise. Let Jesus change the world by allowing Him to change you. Surrender fully and you'll be in for a wild ride, but it'll be the best thing you have ever done.

With all of my heart,
A simple girl, loved by an extraordinary God.

Mighty in Battle and New Travels

"Okay, God, I finished that book, what's next?"
"Joshua"
"No way, I've read that story so many times, I want to do something new and interesting."
"Joshua"
"C'mon. I know that story already, maybe something in the New Testament?"
"Joshua."
"Okay, fine. I'm not really sure I'll learn anything, but if you say so...."

This was the conversation that I found myself having with God last week. I will admit to you, this is not the best way to start your devotions. I repented later of my stubbornness because after the first chapter I knew that reading the book of Joshua would be radically different this time around. That's the thing that I love about the Bible though, it's always the same and yet it feels new each time the binding falls open to that same worn spot. I was reading in Joshua 3 and I read this verse,

"Since you have never traveled this way before, they will guide you.

Stay about a half mile behind them. Keeping a clear distance

between you and the ark. Make sure you don't come any closer".

I sat there and just stared at the verse, not entirely sure of why I was so drawn to it. I mean, this verse is just setting the stage for what the Israelites are supposed to do as they go to cross the Jordan river. I just kept reading "Since you have never traveled this way before" over and over and over again. It hit me all of the sudden and I said to myself "you dingbat. this is straight from God's lips to your ears for this season of life." To say that this semester has been hard, would be a massive understatement. It feels like every time I get some semblance of order in my life, the "bullies" come and knock my books out of my hands, only in this scene, no cute boy stops to help me pick up my things. It's just me, sitting in the mess, wondering why I keep picking things up, to get knocked down again. Long story short, I have never traveled this way before. The things that have been thrown my way are so far out of my league of experience, I feel like I'm stuck on some alien planet waiting to get home. That's when I read that verse, and my perspective began to change. God was saying to me, "My courageous princess. You are walking in a new season of life. In all of your efforts to see where I will take you, you have run ahead of me. You're getting hurt by things unnecessarily as you run. Trust me. Allow me to fight your battles. You are exhausting yourself fighting a battle that I have already won. Step behind me, allow me to protect you. Allow me to guide you. I will shield you from the attacks of the enemy of your soul. I am your warrior and protector. If you allow me to fight for you, there is nothing that can or will overtake you. It is my pleasure to go to war for you, beloved."

I felt a sigh of relief from my very soul release as I realized this truth. I am only overwhelmed because I am trying to handle these things in my time and in my strength. If I step behind Him, as He had the Israelites do as they crossed the Jordan, I will land safely on the other side of the shore. God is our trustworthy protector. He is so much greater than the world, He's overcome it! 

After reading all of this, I wrote this as my response to Him and I wanted to share it in hopes that someone else might be as encouraged as I was by this simple verse in Joshua and all the power that it really hold. Here it is:

"My protector,

I am ready for you to fight my battles for me. I am tired and sad and I am growing apathetic. I realize now that you alone are the one who can bring victory to my life. Please forgive me for using my words and actions as a weapon to hurt those who have hurt me. Thank you for allowing me to step behind you and let you lead the way and protect me from the world. Thank you for fighting for me. 

love,

your beloved who is ready to stand behind you"

Changes and heartbreaks

My heart is aching today. I feel like life has been speeding by at light speed and with that has come so much change. I usually handle change pretty well, new things excite me, but when the new comes before I'm ready to part with the old, I become unnerved. This school year is no exception.

This summer was nothing short of fantastic. It was easily one of the best summers of my life and I didn't even really do anything super exciting. I, along with many other Liberty students, was awaiting the list of convo speakers to be posted towards the end of the summer when Liberty dropped the first of many bombs on us. Our beloved Johnnie Moore had left us. I was really upset by this. It dulled some of my enthusiasm to return to school, but I was still hopeful for what was to come. When my parents dropped me off and I was instantly homesick, I knew this year would be very different. I had never been homesick before and it was weird that it happened my third year. It was a rough start for me, life was busier than it had ever been and a lot of things I loved I had to let go of because God was opening doors for greater things that I could not see. I was really unsettled that things were so different and both my passion for God and Liberty seemed to have faded. I was and still am fighting cynicism. There just seemed to be a lot of discouragement and spiritual warfare. That's when this picture popped on to my timeline and I have been clinging to the truth for a while now: 

                                    

Things started to look up and I was becoming more excited about God and school again, hints of the old me began to resurface, the me that was passionate for Jesus and His mission and I was excited. My relationship with God has grown infinitely deeper these past few weeks and I'm learning about how to follow Him in valleys because the past two years have been majority mountaintops and I guess you could say that was the second major change that I have has to adapt to.

The third, however, is one that was only announced on Monday, but it has rocked me more than the other two combined. It honestly shocked me to my core. Justin Kintzel stepped down as worship pastor. Mid semester. No goodbye. One day he was there and the next he wasn't. I had no idea how affected I would be by this, but now that I think about it, I'm not surprised. This was a man who was always in the eyes of the student body. One that we held in high esteem and looked forward to seeing. Not that this wasn't the case with Johnnie Moore, but with Justin it was different for me. This man stopped what he was doing one night after campus church my freshman year and prayed with me. I was going through a lot of stuff at this point during the semester and Justin saw a small and broken freshman girl crying and he stopped and prayed with her. Not only that, but when he saw me the next semester he remembered me and stopped to ask how I was doing. To this day, I don't think he knows how much that did for me. So Justin, if by some chance you are reading this, thank you. From the depths of my heart thank you. I have no other words. 

I won't say that all these changes, including seeing less of Clayton King (whose sermons were both used to call me into ministry and baptize me), haven't left me hurting and doubting the school that I once blindly loved and trusted. But I will say that my heart is aching more now for David Nasser than for my own hearts questions. I have seen so much hate directed towards this man over every social media possible. I have even read rumors of booing him tomorrow at convo. The very thought of this happening brings me to tears. There are so many things that are not okay with this. He is a child of God, just as we are, and this is now how the body of Christ should be treating each other. Also, we don't have all the facts and I understand and the anger and the doubt, trust me, I've wrestled with it in my own heart, but that does not mean it's ok to bash and hate him. Maybe this comes from me being the new kid on the block one too many times, but I am all to accustomed to the feeling of not fitting in. I know what it is to be ostracized and disliked just for being new and I'm sure many others do as well. David Nasser is facing those same things. He moved his whole family here and it is unfair of us to place all of this blame on him and not accept him into this family at Liberty. I'm not saying this is easy and I do need to practice what I preach, but I do know that Liberty is held in high esteem and will be closely watched throughout these changes. A friend recently said this to me "The Bible is a lamp to our feet, not a floodlight, more often then not we'll only see a few steps ahead of us". The hard thing is that we usually prefer to know the whole plan right away, the good part is that we will never be in the dark. Let's send off Johnnie and Justin in a way that will make them proud. Let's shine the light of Jesus and make much of him because regardless of us the Gospel will be preached. Be cautious in what you post on social media and be mighty in prayer. Let us all as a student body lift up these great men of God before the throne. Regardless, our God is still great and constant and it's not ok for our doubts and fears to overcome that truth. 

Comparison of Self is the Thief of Joy.

"Comparison is the thief of joy". I'm sure you've heard this quote. I know that I've heard this a bajillion times. Especially for girls, we are always told that comparing ourselves to others is not what God wants because He finds us all uniquely beautiful. This is very true and something I am passionate about girls understanding. However, I have been taught a much harsher truth in the past two weeks at Liberty. Comparison of self is the thief of joy.

I've written before that "if you had told me a year ago that I would be where I am today, I would say that you are nuts" and I'm sure I'll write it again. I've always been one who has appreciated milestones and what God has taught me with each new year that is brought in. However, in doing that this year, as I begin my Junior (I know! Crazy!) year at college, I found myself disappointed. Disappointed at my lack of Faith in God's timing. Disappointed at my lack of passion for Him and His unbelievable love. I found myself sinking deeper into this hole, the more I looked at timehop, I wished that this year resembled last year. Wishing that the Becky from a year ago would come back with her new found passion for God and the calling that He had placed on her life. I found myself not wanting to spend time with God and stressing more and more about this school year and thinking less and less about Him. I was homesick, which is a first for me. I love Liberty. I do. But I was missing the passion and the desire that I've had for pursuing things of Christ.

Then on Sunday, I realized that I was robbing myself of the potential joy of this year, by wishing that it was last year. I was comparing the Becky of last year with the one of this year. As good as it was last year, this year will only be better. It will be better because He is still God and He is always good. It will be better because I will know Him better. Last year was full of newness and uncertainty. I was baptized last year and truly found joy in my salvation for the first time. I was called into full-time Christian ministry last year, which was exciting and full of divine confusion. I was full of new passion and love. Now I know that we are supposed to find joy in our salvation always, but we are human and we are fallen. Life gets in the way, stresses and sin hinder that joy and our acceptance of Grace. The "newness" wears off and we become content. I am probably one of the worst offenders in this case. Now, before anyone who is reading this (MOM) thinks that I am depressed, allow me to inform you, that I am not. It's been a journey and still is a journey, but I learned something cool and just have to explain my thought process on how I got here. I walked into this year expecting it to start with the same passion that last year did. But it didn't and I was confused and sad. That's when God reminded me that I had learned A LOT about Him last year. From Character qualities that He has, to trusting in something unseen and knowing that it was better than any certainty that I could find. It was an adrenaline rush. And then the adrenaline faded away and I was left wondering how to get it back again.

I was reminded by God that learning a new concept is always fun. I love learning new things, meeting new people, ect... However, I always struggle with the follow through. I get excited about an idea or a new person, but never really make it past the "newness" of it. The same goes for now. God revealed a lot about himself and the plans for my future last year. Now, I have to learn about it. I have to dig deep and discover what all that new, means for my life. The excitement for the future is there, but there isn't as much excitement for the now. I've been robbing myself of that. I've been placing my worth in things that God has given me and I didn't even know it. I placed my worth in my actual excitement and not the one who inspired it. I put my worth in leadership and not the one who gave me that opportunity. When all that fell away and it was only me and Jesus. I felt lost and I thought I was depressed. I was hardly reading my Bible or praying or doing anything to nourish my relationship with God. Literally a day after I realized that and started, God revealed all of this to me. I'm not saying that it was the magic formula for discovering this, God was just waiting for me to come home. I won't have some grand revelation every devotional time, but I will walk closely with my Jesus as I discover things that I know and don't know about him and how that should radically change my life. I'm super excited for that.

3 years that changed everything

I'm in awe of the work God has done in me the past 3 years. I thought it would be different to share it in a letter to myself, at 16. Hope you enjoy! 

Dear 16-year-old Self,

You’re a junior in High School and you are about to embark on a pretty hard and hurt-filled next 3 years of life. They will be the best you have ever experienced. Just as you feel you are riding at the top, the wave will crash. But have hope; you will climb up again…only to be knocked down once more. Do not be discouraged! You see, I’m the 19-year-old you. We aren’t too far apart, and yet we are vastly different. There’s going to be a boy, and he will come and go, and it’s going to hurt. But you will learn that love is strong and it is good. God will seem to fall silent and then He will shout into your darkness, chasing it away with His light. Just as you filled out the last date on your five-year plan, God’s going to take it and He’s going to shred it and use the torn pieces to build His masterpiece. Friends will come and go and it’ll be lonely, but in the silent tear-filled nights, God is going to soften your heart to His plans. In your uncertainty about the future, God is going to come crashing through and bring more uncertainty, but you will be uncertain with a passion. Claim this with boldness, because He is good and He is sure.

I have some advice that I’d like to share. It won’t make the journey any easier, but it’s what I’ve learned and I want to share it. God’s going to break away shame and sin from your life. When you finally allow Him to break the shackles, don’t try to keep them. I know that you feel as though you deserve the shame and guilt, but you are a beloved daughter of the King. Live a life set free. Set the shackles at the foot of the cross and explore a scandalous Grace! Don’t let other people tell you what you should and shouldn’t be. They aren’t you. Stop looking outside for who you are and look up. Listen to the still, small voice and step out in faith, even when you don’t know where your foot will land. Put your phone away and open the Bible more. I know it’s going to seem like the whole world is crashing down around you a few times several hundred times. It’s not. Remember that while you are watching a wave crash down, God sees and is in control of the beautiful, powerful ocean. The low points of this journey are not your destruction they are your birth. So go ahead and crumble. The next 3 years are going to hurt. They will be the hardest and best you’ve experienced. At 19, you aren’t even close to having it all figured it out; so don’t get your hopes up. You do know Jesus better though, and it’s amazing. My parting words are that yes it’ll hurt, and you’ll be confused, a lot. But…If I had the chance to go back and change one thing about the past 3 years, I wouldn’t. Not because I don’t have a few regrets, but because the God that I know now and that relationship was worth every heartbreak, every shameful moment. It was worth every tear and every moment of confusion. It was worth the uncertainty. It was worth the loss, because the gain was so much greater. It was worth it all and I experience it all again if I had to. God is good and He is sure. Remain open-palmed and willing and you’ll be in awe of what He will do in you.

You are a daughter of the King and you’re going to learn to live like one.

Sincerely,

You at 19.

Negative Positivity

Words are so incredibly powerful. I've spent so many hours stewing over words said to me or words that I have said. When it comes to sins of the tongue, I am certainly among the worst offenders. God's been teaching me a lot about it and I wanted to share. Especially, because tonight, I was sucked back into valuing words more than God. It was a deja vu moment back to high school. It was a brief ten minutes, but it was as if the work that God has done on my heart the past two years were pushed out of my ears as new words entered them. Negative ones. It was silly, really, that I should be upset. I mean, I hardly know the person and it was said jokingly, but it still hurt. After about ten minutes of stewing and wondering and feeling once again insecure about myself, I realized something. I do this to people. I might not be bluntly negative about their appearance, but I do it. I hurt people with my words and it's not intended.

I'm sure you've probably heard a thousand sermons on "taming the tongue" based off of James 3 I know that I have, but I know that I've failed to grasp it. I also realized that positive words can be just as damaging as negative. I'm not talking the "oh, I like your shirt!" when actually you hate it positivity. I'm talking the making promises and not keeping it; or the classic use of the word "when". It wasn't until the past 2 years that I realized just how painful broken promises are. I didn't realize that using the word "when" about the future essentially cuts God out of the equation. These are things that I had never even considered. James 3:5 says, "So too, though the tongue is a small part of the body, it boasts great things. Consider how large a forest a small fire ignites". Although forest fires have a negative connotation, it doesn't specify whether the great things that the tongue boasts in are good or bad. It's something that I've definitely been convicted of lately. I'm not a negative person by nature, but I am a positive person and a planner. This has led to me dealing with a lot of making promises that I can't keep, because I don't want to say no to anyone, and getting ahead of God in my plans. I'll say "when" and count on something that I haven't prayed about or consulted God on at all. I've been challenged to live in the moment and to trust a steadfast God with my unstable future. It's really really rough, but so good. Your relationship with God becomes stronger and you make more memories this way. God can do immeasurably more than we could ever ask or imagine, if we would just stop planning ahead of him and trust Him.

Negativity is obviously a huge thing when it comes to taming our tongues. Nothing spreads as fast as a bad rumor about someone. It's annoying. Something I've been really trying to work on and something I think there needs to be more focus on is negatively joking. We don't ever really know someone's deepest insecurities or hurts. We don't know how damaging our "joke" may be. Sarcasm and teasing may all seem in good fun to someone, but in reality, it can cut deep. I've been both the victim and the attacker in this situation. Girls are especially sensitive and so these jokes can hurt more than we know, but it also can affect guys. They just aren't as vocal as girls with their emotions.
The thing with negativity is that it also insults the creation of God. Ladies, God thinks you are stunning. He thinks you are a total babe. It's silly that we allow words to wreck our hearts when the King of Kings created us and loves us. On the days when I let the negativity in, I feel like He must look down at me and just shake his head in sadness. His heart aches for us to understand that there will be negativity, but that does not lessen our value to Him. He adores us. He cherishes us. He died for us. Negativity seems silly when it's placed next to that radical love. The more we get to know Him and the love that He has for us, the more our words become about Him and His story. Our hearts will want to more and more share His message of Scandalous Grace and Radical Love. We are Daughters of the King, let's start speaking like it.

Inspired Joy

Pinterest is the reason I am an insomniac. I lay down and I browse through it for a few minutes until I get tired. A few minutes turns into an hour, and a method of unwinding turns my brain into a tizzy of food, humor, and, well, food for thought. Tonight was the same as any other night. 2am and I'm still wide awake and on Pinterest. Dang you, college, and your whacky sleep schedules. Anyways, as I browsed through some pins I noticed something. It was a quote and at first I was like 'awww, cute' but all of the sudden a burst of anger flooded into my soul. It's like I could hear the tires screeching to a halt as I fully comprehended the quote.

This is what I saw:

Ummmmm.....I'm sorry. What?!?! 

Now, I know some of you may think that I'm crazy or a feminist for saying this, but I'm going to say it anyways, cause I have a feeling I won't get any sleep until I do. If your smile is inspired by a guy, you are missing the point of joy. Like, I'm talking, you can't even see the target. I'm not saying this from a place of judgement because I've been there, and I still am there. You've got a crush on someone or your dating them and when you see their name pop up on your phone, or they walk in the room, you get butterflies and a goofy grin on your face. It's a great feeling. I get it, trust me I do. I'm about as subtle as a freight train when I like a guy. I'm not saying that it's wrong for a guy to make you smile or to make you happy. They should do that. You deserve that. The problem is when they inspire it. 

Recently, I've been challenged in my own life to dive in deep and discover what it means to be a Daughter of the King. I mean, it's who I am and I'm 19 so it's probably a good time for me to figure that out.....Anyways, I've heard the "identity" speech as much as the next gal. I grew up in the church. Psalm 139 hangs up on a poster in my dorm. I know that I am "fearfully and wonderfully made". I know that I am made in the Image of God. These things are all awesome, but I had still been missing the point. It's great to know it, but it's different when you live it. One thing I was super convicted of is where I find my happiness. I'm a words of affirmation kind of person. I don't care if you sing it, speak it, or write it, words are they way to my heart. Or food. Always food. This means, however, that in any relationships I am most joyful when I get words of encouragement You see, enjoying the encouragement is not bad, it's when my joy is inspired by it. 

Inspiration is a powerful thing. It's what gets your heart pumping and your feet bouncing. It's what drives you through hard times and it's something to be shared with others in your times of success and triumph. Inspiration is what you use to pick a career choice or even a new, out of the box, idea. Inspiration, when tied to the right motive, can lead to world changers. I inspiration and joy are usually tied together and my joy was tied to others. This is not a recipe for a world changer. It's a recipe for disaster and, boy, was I a disaster. I found joy in what others said and I was inspired by that feeling to go out and find it again. Depending on the day it will go from parents, to speakers, to boys, to a random stranger they all would lead to my dosage of joy. I still do this. In my search to live out my identity, God showed me that I need to tie my joy and inspiration to someone that is not only secure, but someone that absolutely deserves it. We serve a righteous and jealous God. He is jealous for our affection. Jealous for our joy. He wants us to place our value and our identity in Him. He wants us to live as his daughters. His beloved, cherished, died for, daughters. His heart aches when we are inspired by someone other than Him. He painted the sky in beautiful colors. He placed each twinkling star in the sky. He created the smell of flowers. As much as the creation was created to worship it's creator, I truly believe that He also created it as a tangible way for us to see a small part of His affections for us. He is worthy of our praise and affection. When He inspires your joy, even in the worst of times you can say "God you are good". He is steady. He is constant. He is the beginning and the end. There is no one who loves you as much or is as faithful as Him. Girls are emotional wrecks. We need that steadiness. Our hearts crave it. My heart aches with longing for all of us to grasp this. I am pleading with you, give your joy to Him. Be inspired by the creator of your heart and all of its desires. Let our wonderful, Heavenly Daddy inspire your joy and let Him bring along the guy who will enhance the beauty that you are. We are Daughters of the King, let's start living like it.

Surrender- The Cure to a Weary Soul

Have you ever held onto something so tightly that your hand started to cramp? Clung so tightly that your knuckles have turned white in the passion of your grip?

Whether it was in a tug of war event or flying a kite, maybe even in a DIY project as you tried to force something together in frustration, I'm sure that we've all done it. If you've ever been there, you also know the relief that is felt as you relinquish your grip and massage the cramp out. You breathe a sigh of relief as the muscles loosens and the pain fades away.

I think that we do this more often than we think. Not in a physical sense necessarily, but we cling to the good in our lives, terrified to relinquish our grip on the known and face the terror of the unknown. We cling so tightly to the good that God has given us that we don't even realize that our hearts are hurting. We hurt because we've stopped listening to God and we are missing the better that he is offering. I do this. All the time. I look back now and my heart aches at the things that God was trying to bless me with if I'd only relinquished every part of my life to him. I ignored him and held onto to the life that I wanted. I caused myself so much hurt that way. Those things that God was asking me to give up still left my life in one way or another, but it hurt more because they were pried out of my fingers instead of me letting go. Now, I'm not saying that God doesn't give us good things, because He does. I'm also not saying that He takes away all the good things in our lives, because He doesn't. I'm saying that the things I thought were good, were causing me harm and the good God was trying to show me was scary and it meant I had to give him complete control. Instead of trusting, I took a strong hold and white-knuckled the life that I wanted and had planned out in my head.

Proverbs 19:21 "Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand." This is the verse that God has used to speak so much truth into my heart and life lately. I have so many plans and ideas for my life, things I want so badly to happen. Things that range from career goals to wanting to get married. (I also have a tendency to want to rush towards these things and I'm learning to be patient, but that's a longer discussion for another time.) God has been teaching me that He has great and unique plans just for me and He wants me to seek Him in all the desires and longings of my heart. He wants me to make sure that my plans are in line with His will and plans for my life and not try and force His will to fit my plans. He knows what's best for me and has proven that time and time again. Yet still, I will start to hold on tightly to my not so perfect plans and cause my soul to grow weary as I tried to do things in my strength and not allow God to sustain me.

I think we could all use a little more of this in our lives. We often find our souls weary and hearts hurting because of things we've held onto so tightly. "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the LORD." (Isaiah 55:8) Let go. Let God heal the hurts in your heart and soothe you with His perfect will. 

We are so dearly and deeply loved by someone who gave His life for us. We are died for. It's a radical love that should lead us to a point of complete surrender. We won't ever experience a love like this anywhere else. If Jesus loved us enough to die for us, He's not going to hurt us. He sees the bigger picture and He knows exactly what we need. Release the grip that your heart has on everything. Release and watch the ache fade away and peace that passes all understanding will settle into your soul. You will be more joyful, less stressed and aware of the deep love the Father has for you. 

Falling in love with who I was created to be and not who I have created myself to be.

I'm going on a make-up fast.


okay....so I know that girls do this a lot and so maybe you've heard of it before, but I'd like to explain my reasons why and then ask you, as my friends and family, to hold me accountable.


I've been asking God, lately, to show me ways that I can step out in faith and trust him. He's been showing me that I place a lot more value on hair and make up than I care to admit. I lack self-confidence when I don't wear make-up. It used to be a non-issue for me. I prided myself in my ability to not need to wear make-up to feel like I could conquer the day. Now I wake up, and if I don't do my make-up in at least someway, I will fall apart at the smallest thing and just have a really negative outlook on myself and my day in general.

Last semester, God taught me a lot about what it meant to let Him romance my heart into the greatest love story that I have ever known. It's been a magnificent adventure so far and I'm really excited about the direction that God is taking my life! It's an amazingly humbling experience. This semester God is showing me that in order to be truly romanced and in love with Him, I need to give Him control over my whole life. Even little things like wearing make-up, He needs to have it all so that I can feel beautiful and loved because there is someone great and mighty who loves me to my very core. I am loved by the very creator of my soul. He knows the longings and desires of my heart, even the things I'm too scared to admit to myself. He knows me. He loves me. And it's a crazy radical love. The kind of love that caused Him to send His Son to die, just so he could know me. It's silly, really, that I find my self-worth and value in anything other than Him. It doesn't make sense because nothing in this world, will make me feel as beautiful as he does. No one loves me as much as he does. I am his bride and He is my forever husband. I'm taking this make-up fast so I can fall in love with the person that He sees and loves and not the one that many other people get to see.

I have no idea how long this make-up fast will last. I'm just going to do it until God lets me know when He wants me to do something else. I'm probably not gunna love it at first, and it's going to leave me feeling super vulnerable and insecure. I am trusting that my Savior and lover of my soul will swoop in and save me from the traps of the lies in my head. My knight in shining armor is going to show me who He loves, and let me fall in love with her too.

I am really excited......and a little bit nervous. Pray for me. It'll be much needed and much appreciated.

Step Out....Even When You don't Know Where Your Foot will Land.

I have been trying all day to put into words the thoughts that have been bouncing around in my head for like an hour now....I figured that if I could write them down somewhere that they would make more sense in my own head. 

I've had a feeling of restlessness in my soul lately. Everything has been going really great lately, but still my deepest core longs for something more, something greater. I couldn't, for the life of me, figure out why. Until today. 

This morning I woke up with a grumbling heart because, for the first time since I've been at Liberty, I had to go to an alternative convo. My not morning person, personality wanted to stay in bed, but it was required so I rolled out of bed and got ready to go. 

It was basically a smaller scale convo with worship and a message. Nothing out of the ordinary or even really special, but I was riveted to the message. I sat on the end of my seat, legs bouncing in excitement and anticipation, heart pounding as it became clearer and clearer to me why there had been such an unrest in my soul these past few months. Faith. Such a simple, Sunday School concept, but I'm missing it. Not the "Do you believe in Jesus faith?", I'm very sure of that. Nothing in my life is as sure as the fact that I am loved by a radical God, drowning in a scandalous grace, and I am died for. I'm missing the "next step faith". The faith that calls me to step out before I actually knowing where my foot will land. The faith that my God is bigger than my blind spot. The faith that I have been given a calling and I need to do something with it. It hit me today that my soul's unrest is due to a lack of faith. 

I realized in that moment that this was not a new concept that God was trying to teach me, but one He'd literally been placing right in front of me and I was too busy trying to see around His next step to get to my next step that I missed it. His next step is so simple. Faith. I need to pursue what He has given me to do now and trust that in His timing, I'll know where to put my foot next. 

Here I am, Lord. Use me.