Friday, May 30, 2014

3 years that changed everything

I'm in awe of the work God has done in me the past 3 years. I thought it would be different to share it in a letter to myself, at 16. Hope you enjoy! 

Dear 16-year-old Self,
You’re a junior in High School and you are about to embark on a pretty hard and hurt-filled next 3 years of life. They will be the best you have ever experienced. Just as you feel you are riding at the top, the wave will crash. But have hope; you will climb up again…only to be knocked down once more. Do not be discouraged! You see, I’m the 19-year-old you. We aren’t too far apart, and yet we are vastly different. There’s going to be a boy, and he will come and go, and it’s going to hurt. But you will learn that love is strong and it is good. God will seem to fall silent and then He will shout into your darkness, chasing it away with His light. Just as you filled out the last date on your five-year plan, God’s going to take it and He’s going to shred it and use the torn pieces to build His masterpiece. Friends will come and go and it’ll be lonely, but in the silent tear-filled nights, God is going to soften your heart to His plans. In your uncertainty about the future, God is going to come crashing through and bring more uncertainty, but you will be uncertain with a passion. Claim this with boldness, because He is good and He is sure.
I have some advice that I’d like to share. It won’t make the journey any easier, but it’s what I’ve learned and I want to share it. God’s going to break away shame and sin from your life. When you finally allow Him to break the shackles, don’t try to keep them. I know that you feel as though you deserve the shame and guilt, but you are a beloved daughter of the King. Live a life set free. Set the shackles at the foot of the cross and explore a scandalous Grace! Don’t let other people tell you what you should and shouldn’t be. They aren’t you. Stop looking outside for who you are and look up. Listen to the still, small voice and step out in faith, even when you don’t know where your foot will land. Put your phone away and open the Bible more. I know it’s going to seem like the whole world is crashing down around you a few times several hundred times. It’s not. Remember that while you are watching a wave crash down, God sees and is in control of the beautiful, powerful ocean. The low points of this journey are not your destruction they are your birth. So go ahead and crumble. The next 3 years are going to hurt. They will be the hardest and best you’ve experienced. At 19, you aren’t even close to having it all figured it out; so don’t get your hopes up. You do know Jesus better though, and it’s amazing. My parting words are that yes it’ll hurt, and you’ll be confused, a lot. But…If I had the chance to go back and change one thing about the past 3 years, I wouldn’t. Not because I don’t have a few regrets, but because the God that I know now and that relationship was worth every heartbreak, every shameful moment. It was worth every tear and every moment of confusion. It was worth the uncertainty. It was worth the loss, because the gain was so much greater. It was worth it all and I experience it all again if I had to. God is good and He is sure. Remain open-palmed and willing and you’ll be in awe of what He will do in you.

You are a daughter of the King and you’re going to learn to live like one.

Sincerely,

You at 19.

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