The Joy of Being Known.

I'm a dreamer. 

A hopeless romantic. 

I dream of silly, unique dates.

I dream of a wedding full of joy.

I love to read. 

I love what it teaches and inspires. 

I love to read books that those I love, love. 

A person's favorite book says a lot about what they value. 

I love music. Almost any kind of music. 

I love to laugh. 

I love to watch tv. 

I love to sing in the car. 

I love meeting new people, but I'm terrible at small talk. 

I love just hanging out with people I love. 

I love to write. 

I love to talk. 

I think ice cream is God's gift to the world.  

Coffee is always a must. 

Spontaneity is a favorite thing of mine. 

I can't keep a favorite color for longer than a month. 

I love watching really corny movies and seeing if I can watch it all the way to the end.

Love Does is my favorite book. (After the Bible.)

But also,

I'm a worrier. 

I worry that I am too much and not enough all at the same time. 

I'm insecure. A lot of the time. 

I struggle with shame and embarrassment at my actions. 

I don't love who I am 100% of the time. Or even 60% of the time. 

I'm insecure in how I look. 

I'm insecure in what I wear. 

I'm insecure in what I say. 

I'm insecure in what I think. 

Texting etiquette gives me an anxiety attacks.  

I overthink and under act. 

My greatest source of anxiety is potential missed opportunities. 

I second guess everything. 

The future scares me. 

Sometimes I get really sad that I'm single. 

Sometimes I question every choice I've ever made. 

Now, I didn't make this list because I think I'm worth knowing or because any of this is really impressive. I made this list because something has been bothering me lately and that is identity. I made this list to remind myself that I am not found in all my good and I am not found in all my bad. Neither are you. Personalities, likes, dislikes, and actions will change as time goes on. 

Instead of being known by any one of those things above, I'd rather be known as:

Beloved

Cherished

Adored

Daughter of the King

A woman who strives to hope in the Lord

Loved

Died for

Cared for

Valuable

I guess I'm writing all of this because as much as we hear this in church I think it's important to be vulnerable about how hard this actually is. To look in the mirror, to think about ourselves, to be real and to see ourselves as God sees us is actually so hard. It's hard because our flesh is so loud. What others say is so loud. Pushing through to hear that still small voice is a daily battle. To hear Him affirm us and to love us is really hard to do in this broken world. It's so much easier for me to just accept what I think of myself as truth and that's so damaging to the work God is doing in my life. 

My dear sweet friends,

If no one else has, allow me to tell you that you are worth more than all your good and all your bad. You are worth more than the endless insecure thoughts that keep you up at night and you are worth more than your greatest accomplishment. You are worth dying for. You are loved and adored and cherished and pursued by the creator and the sustainer of the universe. He sees you as His child. It's a beautiful and captivating love story. he knows you. He formed you. He knows your heart and all its desires because He knitted you together. 

So the next time the world gets to loud and your mind won't slow down, seek the face of the one who made you. In His image, I might add. You are reflecting Him to the world. He wants to hold you and remind you who you are and whose you are. 

I think we could all use more of this and less of us. 

Lord,

May we always seek to know you more. May we be a people who strive to hope in you. May we be known by you. May we know you. May we always hear your voice above the noise. 

Amen. 

The Culture of Someday

"What do you want to be when you grow up?"
"What is the after college plan?"
"Where do you see yourself in five years?"
"What are your plans for the future?"

We live in a culture of somedays and tomorrows. A culture that places our dreams just one day, one year, one decade out of our grasp because our eyes are always on the next thing. Because the thing you are doing now is certainly not the thing you should be doing forever and there is no way that what your today holds is beneficial to what your tomorrows desire.

I'm sick of it.

This culture, these ideas, this constant feeling that our dreams are just one heartbeat out of reach creates an attitude of dissatisfaction. God created us to be passionate, active, and involved people. We are not a people created for tomorrows. We are not a people who are told to love radically and disciple others a year from now when we've fixed us. We are a people who are created for now. Not because tomorrow isn't promised, not because our lives are as a vapor (all true, BTW) but because Jesus' ministry was not a "tomorrow" ministry. He didn't look at the hungry faces around Him and say "They'll get it later, after I die and raise from the dead". He taught, He loved, He fed. KNOWING what the future held. KNOWING His fate, still He served. Still He loved. Still He fed. We should DO that. Someday and Almost are the enemies of ministry. They are the killers of passion. They are the opposite of the Gospel.

I struggle with this. I struggle with thinking that this ministry God has called me to is a thing of the future. I struggle with every time this "tomorrow" ministry gets a little further away, my soul finds itself a little more unrested. I spend all my time wishing I could fast forward to when my life will be perfect and I'll be 100% fulfilled in my ministry. I have paused the ministry God has placed me in now, to try and seek satisfaction in a future ideal. I'm ridiculous.

Going to Liberty is great and you get told a lot that you are a world changer, which is encouraging. You also get told that you are the leaders of tomorrow, and I would have to disagree. I believe that we are the leaders of now. I believe that this generation needs leaders now. They need people who are sold out for Jesus to serve Him now. They need people to love well, NOW. They don't need people planning lives of big ideas and not ministering now. This isn't a life that is full of extraordinary acts. These leaders and their lives are lived well in the ordinary. If you sweep the hallways of a church, do it well. Do it to the best of your ability and do it because it is where God has placed you. If you are a high school student, study well. There are people all around you hurting and there are hallways full of lockers and papers, but it is a unique culture that surrounds you that needs Jesus. Bring Him to them. Be active NOW in your pursuit of Jesus and your sharing of the Gospel.

If you're like me and you are in college, you spend more time than you could ever want writing papers, studying, emailing professors, and drowning in stress. Your future consumes 80% of your thought process. We need to not let our constant planning for the future drown out the ministry that is needed now. Ministry is not exclusive to the Bible majors and Seminary students. If you are going for art education, minister to that culture and show them the Beauty of Jesus. If you are going for engineering, show others the intricate designs that the creator has placed around us. Minister where you are in love and in the light of the Gospel all for the Glory of God.

Share the Gospel in every aspect. Love in every moment. Lead in your desire to do the ordinary stuff beautifully. That's the name of this blog, because it's what the Lord is teaching me everyday. Your life will not become radical because you seek out circumstances to be extraordinary. Your life with be radical because you said Yes to serving and loving God where He placed you and He made it extraordinary. Love in action is not extraordinary because the action itself is extraordinary, but it is extraordinary because we are loving as Christ loved in a world that does not understand true love.

You matter now. It's not the you of ten years from now that matters. It's not the you of yesterday that matters. It the you of now that matters and what the Lord is asking you to do now matters. Don't waste your time on the somedays and the almosts when the now needs you as you are, where you are, serving with all that you are. Be sold out for Christ and no matter what, love well. Love Unconditionally. Love sacrificially. Love in action.

For God is not unjust so as to overlook your work and the love that you have shown for his name in serving the saints, as you still do. And we desire each one of you to show the same earnestness to have the full assurance of hope until the end, so that you may not be sluggish, but imitators of those who through faith and patience inherit the promises. -Hebrews 6:10-12

Unapologetically You.

"Wisdom in wise counsel"

That's a phrase that has given me more gray hairs then any almost 21-year-old should have. For me, that phrase says, "Ask every single person that you respect what you should do and then take all the advice they give you and merge it somehow so that no one gets upset that you didn't take their advice". 

I realize now that I sound clinical and should probably get some help....

anyways....this is a battle that I have had to fight for a very long time. A battle that has warred in my mind for so long that any decision I have to make outside of dinner plans has me turned into a vibrating ball of anxiety. So naturally, I've been handling decisions in college super well....Coming home to finish school has brought on a whole new onslaught of decisions and a new group of people who love me far more than I deserve who have so much wisdom that I honestly get overwhelmed. 

I'm exhausted. I'm exhausted and my own mind has drowned out the still, small voice that has guided me this far. The one person that has been constant in all the chaos. The unifier of my passions and my calling. The creator and lover of my soul. The knower of my future. The giver of wisdom. The Prince of Peace. My eternal love. My Savior. 

Today, He shouted a little bit louder and I heard Him. I heard Him ask me to be unapologetically me. To take what He has given me and what He has blessed me with and where He has led me and live it unapologetically. The wise counsel He has surrounded me with is just that, counsel. Which by definition means, "advice, especially given formally". And just to break that down a little further, Advice means, "guidance or recommendations concerning prudent future action. typically given by someone considered knowledgable and authoritative". 

I have been surrounded by some great advice and counsel by wise people who have guided me with grace and humility and love. However, as much as I love those people and how much I value them and will continue to seek their advice, they are not God. The large unknown that is my future is just as unknown to them. They have the same facts I do. They face the same sin I do. They face the same weakness I do. They are fallen people. Just. Like. Me.

The people pleasing part of me struggles with making decisions because I've had different advice from different people and I want them all to be proud of me. This battle, is all in my mind. They are proud of me for following Christ and their only mission is to guide those efforts. Friends, know this, wise counsel is good, but it is not wise and it is not counsel if those people make you feel like less of a person or not as valuable to them if you don't take every piece of advice they offer you. If that is what they are doing they stop becoming sources of wise counsel and become "me-monsters" with a "god complex" who want to place their brand of success on you. 

You can be loving and unapologetic. You can listen to wise counsel and value the people around you and be bold in your calling. You are built to please an audience of one, and that's already done. You are beloved. You are cherished. You are powerful. You matter. 

Boldly. Passionately. Lovingly. Unapologetically. 

Follow Christ.