Falling in love with who I was created to be and not who I have created myself to be.

I'm going on a make-up fast.


okay....so I know that girls do this a lot and so maybe you've heard of it before, but I'd like to explain my reasons why and then ask you, as my friends and family, to hold me accountable.


I've been asking God, lately, to show me ways that I can step out in faith and trust him. He's been showing me that I place a lot more value on hair and make up than I care to admit. I lack self-confidence when I don't wear make-up. It used to be a non-issue for me. I prided myself in my ability to not need to wear make-up to feel like I could conquer the day. Now I wake up, and if I don't do my make-up in at least someway, I will fall apart at the smallest thing and just have a really negative outlook on myself and my day in general.

Last semester, God taught me a lot about what it meant to let Him romance my heart into the greatest love story that I have ever known. It's been a magnificent adventure so far and I'm really excited about the direction that God is taking my life! It's an amazingly humbling experience. This semester God is showing me that in order to be truly romanced and in love with Him, I need to give Him control over my whole life. Even little things like wearing make-up, He needs to have it all so that I can feel beautiful and loved because there is someone great and mighty who loves me to my very core. I am loved by the very creator of my soul. He knows the longings and desires of my heart, even the things I'm too scared to admit to myself. He knows me. He loves me. And it's a crazy radical love. The kind of love that caused Him to send His Son to die, just so he could know me. It's silly, really, that I find my self-worth and value in anything other than Him. It doesn't make sense because nothing in this world, will make me feel as beautiful as he does. No one loves me as much as he does. I am his bride and He is my forever husband. I'm taking this make-up fast so I can fall in love with the person that He sees and loves and not the one that many other people get to see.

I have no idea how long this make-up fast will last. I'm just going to do it until God lets me know when He wants me to do something else. I'm probably not gunna love it at first, and it's going to leave me feeling super vulnerable and insecure. I am trusting that my Savior and lover of my soul will swoop in and save me from the traps of the lies in my head. My knight in shining armor is going to show me who He loves, and let me fall in love with her too.

I am really excited......and a little bit nervous. Pray for me. It'll be much needed and much appreciated.

Step Out....Even When You don't Know Where Your Foot will Land.

I have been trying all day to put into words the thoughts that have been bouncing around in my head for like an hour now....I figured that if I could write them down somewhere that they would make more sense in my own head. 

I've had a feeling of restlessness in my soul lately. Everything has been going really great lately, but still my deepest core longs for something more, something greater. I couldn't, for the life of me, figure out why. Until today. 

This morning I woke up with a grumbling heart because, for the first time since I've been at Liberty, I had to go to an alternative convo. My not morning person, personality wanted to stay in bed, but it was required so I rolled out of bed and got ready to go. 

It was basically a smaller scale convo with worship and a message. Nothing out of the ordinary or even really special, but I was riveted to the message. I sat on the end of my seat, legs bouncing in excitement and anticipation, heart pounding as it became clearer and clearer to me why there had been such an unrest in my soul these past few months. Faith. Such a simple, Sunday School concept, but I'm missing it. Not the "Do you believe in Jesus faith?", I'm very sure of that. Nothing in my life is as sure as the fact that I am loved by a radical God, drowning in a scandalous grace, and I am died for. I'm missing the "next step faith". The faith that calls me to step out before I actually knowing where my foot will land. The faith that my God is bigger than my blind spot. The faith that I have been given a calling and I need to do something with it. It hit me today that my soul's unrest is due to a lack of faith. 

I realized in that moment that this was not a new concept that God was trying to teach me, but one He'd literally been placing right in front of me and I was too busy trying to see around His next step to get to my next step that I missed it. His next step is so simple. Faith. I need to pursue what He has given me to do now and trust that in His timing, I'll know where to put my foot next. 

Here I am, Lord. Use me.