Sometimes, following the will of God is the hardest thing you will ever do. There will not be peace that passes all understanding. It will not be all happiness and butterflies and all things good in the world. Sometimes, abiding in the Lord and doing what He asks requires great sacrifice. It requires hard goodbyes and abrupt changes of your plans. Sometimes it makes your heart heavy and when you think you've cried enough tears, more will come.
I don't want to tell you all of this because I want to discourage you. I want to tell you all of this because it is the season that I am currently in. I'm going home to finish school. The Lord has lined up so many amazing opportunities for me and I am honestly excited for what the next semester holds and where He will take me. However, none of that makes right now easy. None of that makes the friends and the ideas that I had for what senior would hold any easier to say goodbye to. What I do know is that the Lord is good and His intentions toward me are always good. I may not have a whole lot of peace right now, but I do have a lot of rest in knowing that my God will not lead me astray. I do know that what the future holds will not be 100% easy, but following God will be 100% good.
On Monday night as I was reading my Bible and honestly just crying and I came across Proverbs 16:9 which reads:
The heart of a man plans His way
but the Lord establishes His steps
Friends, since Monday night, this verse has popped up in my life TWELVE TIMES! Y'all, in case you missed that, I heard the same verse 12 times in the course of 72 hours!! Our God is faithful to work in the hardest of times and He is faithful to confirm what He is asking us to do. We are not Him. We cannot see what's next, nor do we know what it holds, but we KNOW Him!!
I can honestly say that looking back on my time at Liberty, the Lord has been preparing me for this change of plans, I just didn't know it until this week. Freshman year, He tore down every idol that I had in my life and He drew me unto Him. Sophomore Year, He taught me that I need to be willing to actually step out of my boat and walk in the water with Him, not just dangle my foot over the water. I was also called into ministry during this year and that was certainly not in my 10 year plan. Last semester I learned to let go and follow after Him into unknown territory. This semester, I have learned that loving people is the most valuable thing that I can do and to love them well. To love in big and small ways. To love in ways that causes sacrifice and rebuilding. To love as Christ loved. To make the first move because He made the first move. All of these lessons and all of these things that I have gone through were beautifully and perfectly orchestrated for a moment that God new was coming before the foundations of the Earth. This moment is also not the end of that, it is just another lesson and another moment that will carry me through to the next lesson or the next change.
A friend said something to me last night that I will never ever forget. He said "God did not promise Liberty to you, He promised to use you for His glory. Liberty was not meant for your completion, it's just a chapter in your story". I'm not going to say anything else about this. I'm just going to let it be with all the goodness that it is.
Friends, I want to encourage you. I want to encourage you to pursue Christ and to do what He asks. I can tell you from current experiences and current struggles that it is not going to be easy always. There have been times where God has asked me to do something and it has been so exciting and good that I have done it with whole-hearted joy. And then there is now. Right now, I am excited for what comes next and for the things that wait for me at home. I am excited that the dream I have had of going home and doing ministry there is coming true much earlier than anticipated. I am excited to be with my family who I love dearly and I miss whole-heartedly. I am excited for the classes that I'll get to take online. But also, I am sad. I am sad because I'm leaving my best friends. I am leaving the ministries that I have loved serving in. I am leaving a place that I love. I am leaving classes that I love. I am leaving a place that has so radically changed my life. But I know that any loss that comes for the cause of Christ, much greater gain lies ahead.
While I still have finals and more goodbyes to go, I know that my God is good and that where He is taking me next will be better than any plans I had for senior year. It's hard to say goodbye to dreams that I had and I'm learning that it's ok to grieve the loss, but what it cannot do is shake my faith that my God is good and that He who calls is faithful.
This song has been on repeat. For much longer than the news of leaving has been on my heart, but it's fantastic in it's message and it's truth. "I found my life when I laid it down". Laying down our lives will not be easy. Rebellion is written on our bones, but if we strive for it and if we do it, we will find our life. It's hard, but it's beautiful.
